Optimism

Just moved back in for my final year of undergrad. It’s been a long four years thus far, with the whole pandemic and everything. With how my program is structured, this is technically only my second fall term that’s actually in person. The first fall term was right at the beginning of 1st year. The second was through the University of Microsoft Teams. In that sense, I find it quite odd to walk around campus and see 1st years go through their orientation week. The last time I was here at this time of year, I was actually participating, 4 years ago. I remember in first year that excitement and wonder of what was to come. Coming fresh out of highschool plunging straight into four years of torture (It wasn’t that bad I’m just perpetuating the stereotype).

I wonder if all the students that go through post-secondary schooling have this same experience. The euphoria of a new environment, away from home, fucking around and exploring the new campus late at night. Late night food outings, sleeping through 8:30 classes, the whole 9 yards. Though I can’t attest to the parties…so 8 yards. It’s honestly a real step to full on adulting for most who’ve been fortunate enough to have their parents take care of things like food and laundry your life thus far, myself included. But as the years go by, I just can’t help but reminisce that same feeling as the first 8 months of school. There’s the “new school” experience, and with the way intership system at the school works, also the “first job experience”. I was lucky enough to have the money situation mostly taken care of, so I didn’t need to work in highschool.

At my first job as an intern I remember I was so scared talking to the execs in fear I’d say something wrong and get fired. Or going 5 minutes over lunch and get fired. I suppose I’d always just be really anxious about getting fired. Looking back it was pretty funny, but what I felt like I’ve lost is that relentless optimism and enthusiasm for school and work. Don’t get me wrong, It’s still enjoyable seeing myself become more and more adept to my field, and working on interesting projects on the job, but that initial spark, the fire, the “rose-tinted glasses” of reality, it just doesn’t seem to be there anymore. Overtime, It’s just felt like the more I learn about the world, the more doomer I become. I suppose someone in their mid-thirties reading this are reacting with a “welcome to the club kid”.

But is it really like this until you just retire? The two most impactful first experiences I’d say for someone growing up in modern society would be the full extent of their education until the end of undergrad (if they choose the university route), and their first job (if it wasn’t through a family owned business, because I think that would result in a different experience altogether). The reason I say the extent of education up until undergrad is because at least for me, is the time you’re finally looking ahead of you in the long run, for real, with concrete plans. When I was in highschool, those questionnaires they make you do that ask “where do you see youself in 10 years?” was never answered with explicit steps, at least in my experience. It was only since the beginning of this year that I really made plans, and backups to those plans. Plans where I would be content, or at least, able to live comfortably alone.

When I think of graduate schooling as an option, I just see it as “oh same thing as undergrad, just more in depth”. Or starting a business, it’s just “okay just have to deal with all the corporate bs and make a good product/creation”. Or the most monotonous, just working a standard but well paying job. “Wagie” life if you will. I digress, but my point is that does everyone have this attitude when they’re younger, and slowly just lose it overtime? If so, why? Could it be systemic from the public education system?

I find that school is really good at breeding white collar workers. At a young age, you must always do as you’re told, follow the rules, follow the group think, be the goody two shoes. But fuck that. This only produces a dystopian society where the true created potential of children are squandered or untapped just because society told them to put the square block in the square hole. But what if I want to put the square block in the circle hole? Did you know the statistic for people with perfect pitch is approximately 1 in 100 people? But of all the musicians that I have met, including myself (don’t gatekeep the word musician just because you do it for a living), very few of them actually have perfect pitch. This leads me to beleive that many people have this natural born talent, but is never fully exploited because they never tried. Is that their fault? Or because society never gave them a chance to truly give it a shot?

Just want to end this off on something I’ve noticed while walking through campus today. It’s frightening how accurate I can tell if someone is a 1st year. Minus the O-Week shirts and swag bags, some traits that are a dead give away include: Being in a group larger than 3, new coloured running shoes/white Air Force 1’s, lots of enthusiasm and laughter, and the biggest one: putting your keys in your pocket and leaving the school branded lanyard dangling in the air.

And what’s more amusing…

I DID ALL OF THOSE THINGS TOO.

-ekd